Las Vegas Raiders Announce 2021 Schedule

By Scott Roeben, on May 12 2021
2 min read 4 comments
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It’s still a little weird typing “Las Vegas Raiders,” but that’s because the team’s first season in Las Vegas was surreal (no fans at the games and all that).

Now, though, we’re looking at the team’s first “real” season in our shiny new Allegiant Stadium, and even people who don’t care about sports are excited.

We’re referring to us, of course. Let’s look at the schedule!

Raiders home games schedule
Of all the teams we don’t care about, we don’t care about the Raiders least!

Yes, that’s the home game schedule, but home games are really the only ones that matter. Because Las Vegas.

Oh, stop your whining.

Here’s the full schedule, you big baby.

Cheat sheets like this were created because concussions can cause memory loss. Yes, we have to ruin everything.

See it bigger on the Las Vegas Raiders Web site.

Lost in the shuffle of the excitement of the schedule announcement is the fact our new team isn’t all that great.

In 2020, the Raiders batted about .500. Which we’re pretty sure: 1) isn’t spectacular, and 2) is a metaphor from an entirely different sport.

Last season, the team lost five of their last seven games.

Honestly, the Raiders couldn’t be worse if we personally played every position on the team and we have the physique of a pregnant manatee.

We are imploring the Las Vegas Raiders to be better so we have a reason to attend a game because we really want to check out the new Raiders stadium.

We’re all helping pay for the stadium with room taxes, so we deserve a look. Free. Not paid tours, that’s lame.

Las Vegas Raiders metal detector
Allegiant Stadium has been equipped with a giant metal detector. It’s on the Internet, so it has to be true.

There’s been a lot of hype around sports as the financial savior of Las Vegas, which we hope comes to pass.

The Vegas Golden Knights have been an unmitigated success, on pretty much every level, despite the fact hockey is a sport nobody has cared about since 1980.

There have been lots of rumblings recently about other pro sports teams eyeing Las Vegas, including MLB (hello, Oakland A’s) and NBA (hello, Timberwolves). We told you about all this, but we know you don’t listen because we pretend to hate sports and that somehow undermines our credibility in breaking news about sports. Rude.

Anyway, the Raiders! Take out that second mortgage, gird your loins and get ready for some football in Las Vegas!

Speaking of loins, here’s a fun fact: NFL players don’t wear protective cups. See? We can even make football fun!